INTERVIEW WITH ELIZABETH MURPHY

Elizabeth's son, Andy, is a petty officer in the US Coast Guard. He's 28 and about to re-up after he receives his next promotion

Elizabeth: Although Andy is a college graduate, he does not want to go to Officers' Candidate School because he loves his wife of two years and doesn't want to leave her for long periods. Also, I think he may not have a whole lot of confidence about being responsible for his fellow Coasties' lives at sea. But that's just my feeling. As a little girl in Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn, I attended a children's group sponsored by the Coast Guard. We had no Girl Scout troops and the Coast Guard was the only group that allowed girls to attend.

We wore uniforms with spats, carried wooden guns, marched in formation, and even went to Philadelphia to tour a submarine. We learned about boat safety and received licenses for motorboats. I loved it -- especially throughout Vietnam.

I wish I could have joined the Coast Guard as I felt, and still feel, that good citizenship involves paying back one's obligation to one's country. The Coast Guard, however, wasn't open to young women then.

I'm a pacifist and I believe killing is justified only in self-defense. I couldn't condone killing in Vietnam or the Gulf War nor do I justify killing in this war with Iraq. Nevertheless, I regard the Coast Guard's using deadly weapons to defend our borders as justifiable. I see the Coast Guard as protecting and defending our citizens even if the missions of the other branches of the military are not as clear-cut. Often, those other branches are forced to make horrific moral choices.

My father served with the Merchant Marine, first on British warships -- before 1941 �then for the United States. He was awarded veteran status from the US Coast Guard in the 1980s. He is extremely proud of his service to the country and, now ninety years old, still wears his Coast Guard cap everywhere. When my son Andy was in his sixth year of college and still directionless, I told him he'd have to be self-supporting by 25. I recommended he look into the Coast Guard. He had to lose 30 pounds in weight in order to qualify and he came to love the extremely challenging training. He was so proud of himself when he was admitted and we were proud of him too.

He requested Alaska as his first assignment -- I don't know why (maybe to punish me?) �then spent almost two years in the Gulf of Alaska on a cutter. He was there on September 11, 2001. The Alaska pipeline and ports were considered possible terrorist targets and the Coast Guard, like all branches of the military, went on high alert.

I worried. I knew that the Coast Guard always goes where the Navy goes and I worried that �if the US responded to 9/11 by going to the Persian Gulf -- Andy might be aboard a cutter sent there.

Andy trained in San Francisco as a telecommunications specialist. Like me, he� a pacifist and wants to serve in a defensive, life-saving capacity rather than in one that is offensive and life-taking.

Now he� stationed on shore in Virginia and rarely goes onboard although he is sometimes involved in very dangerous duties. He� had to upgrade ships' weapons systems and deal with nuclear material. He injured his back in one of Alaska� "perfect storms" with 60-foot-high waves. It was then I realized, with guilt, that I� propagandized my child to put himself in harm's way for my beliefs: the value of saving others and living to pay one� debt to society.

I felt ashamed of encouraging him. I felt like Abraham offering his son Isaac as a sacrifice. I felt I really had no right to offer anyone but myself �and I� have done that if the Coast Guard enlisted middle-aged moms! I was willing to make the greater sacrifice, greater than sacrificing my own life, by risking my child's life for the sake of others less able to defend themselves.

Before 9-11, I saw the Coast Guard's role as saving people in trouble at sea and guarding our borders from drug dealers. After 9-11 I saw they also had to guard our ports, including New York City� ports, from terrorist attacks.

Right now I� less concerned for Andy� physical safety and more worried about people in Afghanistan and Iraq, citizens -- especially children -- and our military over there.

A month ago, a fellow teacher, a military colonel, returned from a year in Iraq. It sounded awful.

I worry about my students' parents who are stationed in Iraq and how they�e affected. Is worry unraveling them? I even worry about getting support when I worry. I pray for my son, for my students' parents, and military personnel.

As a member of Military Families Speak Out I have been a local anti-war protester since before the start of Bush War II, just as I was during the Vietnam era.

The school where I teach and my community are bastions of Republican conservatism. At work I�e been ordered not to speak about my anti-war, anti-Bush views. I was told they �ut up with my crazy anti-war attitude�because my son is in the military and because I was the only one who already owned (and flew) an American flag after 9/11.

During anti-war protests in my community we gather at the crossroad where our town's only traffic light shines. I and other patriotic pacifists have been screamed at, given the finger, and cursed many times. Before this war started I stood alongside other middle aged, anti-war mothers (including Code Pink women) outside Hillary Clinton's office in New York City and a passing truck driver spat on me.

Beside the triple-A sticker on my car� bumper I have a Dean sticker, a Quaker "War is not the answer" sticker, a peace sign, an American flag sticker, and a "Proud to Be a Coastie Mom" sticker. In the rear window is a transparent United States Coast Guard window sticker. Perhaps this combination confuses people, perhaps they think someone cannot simultaneously be anti-war, anti-Bush-dynasty, pro-peace, pro-American, and pro-military. But I don� fit any stereotype.

Except for my Republican friends now moving into the anti-Bush camp, I sense enormous antipathy from Republicans. I find less cognitive dissonance amongst my new peacenik friends.

I believed Bush War I was wrong and I believe Bush War II is wrong. Nothing can change my mind as both involve offensive not defensive killing.

I lived through Vietnam and I watch Time and Newsweek news. I saw what was happening and what Bush wanted. Even if there had been WMD in Iraq before Bush attacked, they couldn't have reached America. Anyone simply reading mainstream news magazines would have known that, it wasn� arcane knowledge. From the beginning I knew this war was all about oil and money -- and that the lives of our sons and daughters were unimportant to the Bushies, the neoconservatives, and the rich. To them, our children are cannon fodder, just as the poor during the 1960s was cannon fodder in Vietnam. Both wars are quagmires.

I focus on reading the news, watching "The Daily Show," receiving e-mail alerts from United for Peace and similar groups, and staying involved in the �nybody but Bush�campaign.

My son feels the same way I do but he� frustrated he can� act publicly. He's privy to many threats that the public is unaware of and he� always on high alert. He worries about us each time there's a terror threat. Even though he� stationed stateside it� still stressful for him, although less so now than a year ago.

He intends to re-up for the same reasons he joined in the first place: he� proud to be saving lives and helping his country, plus he�l get an enlistment bonus.